When we think about courage and leadership we imagine big life events and dramatic decisions. But working with founders and their teams I constantly see that there is a different type of courage that leaders are required to display every day, in their tiniest choices and actions. The bite-sized courage.
It’s the courage that is required by the leaders who choose to lead by example. The leaders who know that through their actions they shape the actual culture and values of their organization (as opposed to the declared ones).
The courage required to lead by example
There’s a saying I love: “It’s not your value until it costs you!”
Values that live in company presentations and hang from posters on walls are just words. It is only when you are faced with a choice that makes you choose to put your value first (and at the process pay a price) that your value becomes yours.
That cost, associated with actually putting your values first, is what makes the leading by example one of the bravest commitments leaders can take upon themselves. And it is this ongoing process, one choice at a time, that requires bite-sized courage.
I wanted to share a couple of bite-size courage moments, I witnessed in the past couple of weeks, that I find inspiring and think are great examples of how a single action is more effective than a thousand culture presentations (*I, of course, asked permission of my coachees to share these moments).
Story #1: The courage to seek feedback
I was working with a founder on his company’s 2020 focus board. It became clear that there was a gap between his perception and that of the team. So I asked him to if he would be willing to call 5 random people into the room and ask them 2 questions:
- Where do we want to be in 3 years from today?
- What is the single most important outcome we need to achieve in 2020 in order to unlock our vision?
Bringing these people into the room (one by one) knowing that their answers might not make sense took courage… “what if everyone gives different answers?”… “What will that reflect on me and my ability to lead?”… ”What will the team think about me calling them in and asking them such questions?”… These are the type of voices that “protect” our sense of worth and prevent us from displaying bite-sized courage.
But this founder didn’t hesitate for a second. And when people came in, one by one, and it was clear some of them were not aligned (yet!) he didn’t flinch.
Why? Because he, as a leader, he understood it’s not about him but about the goal. And the goal at that moment was to understand our gaps so we can align the team as soon as possible.
In his actions, he taught the team that ‘We openly seek feedback” … “we aren’t afraid to be wrong”… “It’s not about us it’s about the goal”… and much more. With his bite-sized courage, he shaped their values.
Story #2: The courage to be vulnerable
I was observing a room of ten people, part of a team I coach, preparing for an important trip. The goal of the meeting was to align before the trip and ensure everyone is focused on their goals. As I was listening I noticed that a few individuals were focused on their “to do” instead of their “to impact”…
In other words, they didn’t come to the meeting with the end in mind. They didn’t ask themselves “What will this trip unlock for me a month from now? A quarter from now? a year from now?”.
So I addressed their manager… (Every person in that room was managed directly or indirectly by this person) and I asked him if he would be willing to be coached in front of the team?
And just for context, this person has been coached by me in the past. He knew exactly what would happen. He knew there is a great chance he will face challenging questions… But he didn’t hesitate.
And indeed, 3 questions into the coaching session he reached a “dead-end” question. This type of dead-end happens 2–5 times in every coaching session. It occurs when the question asked doesn’t have a “default answer”… The coachee is required to come up with a new perspective of things. And this is a hard thing to do.
At that moment, as he was facing that dead-end question, he displayed his bite-sized courage for the second time… Instead of just coming up with an answer, he allowed himself to be quiet… Imagine a silent room waiting several seconds for his answer… and then he simply said “I don’t have an answer, I’ll have to come back to you”
In this single bite-sized act, he did more for the team than 100 culture presentation would do. First, in his courage to be coached publically, he showed the team that “it’s ok to be vulnerable”. And then in his courage to admit he had no answer he showed them that “you don’t have to know all the answers to be a leader”.
This is leadership, this is courage. Bite-sized courage.
When was the last time you had to show bite-sized courage for your team?